Monday, July 30, 2007

Introduce Yourself, a meme

1. Ever punch someone in the face? Yes, yes I have

2. How old are you? 35 and I'm not ashamed to admit it

3. Are you single or taken? I'm married, 17 years. Y.E.A.R.S.

4. Eat with your hands or utensils? Both, depends on what I'm eating!

5. Do you dream at night? rarely, I hate to dream, the good ones don't come true.....

6. Ever seen a corpse? Yes, but they've all been embalmed

7. Have you ever wished someone dead? Yes, who hasn't?

8. Do you like Bush, the president? He's the president, I respect him for that. I don't know him personally so I can't say whether or not I actually like him.

9. Whats your philosophy on life and death? Life..... um, well, life is what you make of it. Good, bad or indifferent. Death, it's gonna happen to all of us so why fear it? Live. Die. Go 'bout your business.

10. What do you think about Paris Hilton? She should be put on public display in some form of mid-evil torture device for the entire world to view.

11. Do you trust the police? Trust isn't the word I'd use......

12. Do you like country music? Yeah, it's ok

13. What is your fondest memory of a birthday? I don't really remember birthdays...... obviously none were worth remembering.

14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? I'd be filthy rich.

15. Would you be a willing participant in an "Indecent Proposal"? For a million bucks? Sure!

16. What do you wear to sleep? A t-shirt and 'jama bottoms, usually fleece 'cause they're warm......

17. Have you ever peed in a pool? Yes and if you say no I know you're LYING!

18. Would you hide evidence for me if your best friend asked you to? In a heartbeat!

19. If you only had one day to live, what would you want to do? Fly to NY City with my kid and see the sights!

20. What is your favorite thing about work? The paycheck!

21. Do you think you are attractive? Um, no.......

22. What's your favorite color? Purple

23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? JFK

24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you? I can bend my fingers in a weird way.

25. Would you ever participate in a reality type of TV show like Survivor or American Idol? Not on your life!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Weeeeeeekend bliss

First off, I gotta shout to the world that MY BABY IS HOME!!!!!!

She spent a week at Girl Scout camp doing the CAP thing (working) and loving it. She could live at camp, any camp, if we'd let her and honestly I'd probably let her but I'd miss her too much.

Bob and I spent the week at home. Alone. It was a typical week for the two of us. Those of you who know us know exactly what we did all week, those of you who don't know Bob, well, it wasn't pretty, I won't bore you with the details.

There isn't much to blog about for the week other than I've had a bitch of a fucking headache since the whole tick/stomach virus weekend. Mrs. Coach seems to think I had (and may still have) botulism. Yeah, lovely. How fucking exciting is it to be me?????

So, Saturday was my first Pampered Chef show. I had it at my friend Tess's house. She's wonderful, simply wonderful. There were over 20 people there and we had a fabulous time! I handled the questions like a pro and made a few new friends. A lot of the girls there were also WLS patients that I know online and now I can put a face with a name (or an email address). It's so nice to be able to do that!! The show was a smashing success, we did over $600 in commissionable sales. Most excellent! No one scheduled any parties off Tess's show but there are several ladies who did want to but they needed to get back with me later on dates, that is fine with me! I demonstrated a chicken enchillada ring, which was totally new to me, and it turned out soooooooooo amazingly good. I swear I'm a natural cook! LOL Ok, I'm an idiot who can follow a recipe but still it was spectacular!

After the party we sat in the hot tub and talked and relaxed. I freakin' loved it, I gotta get me one of those........

Sunday Bob and I went to pick up MWH and that was glorious. I don't know what I'll do without that kid....... she can't grow up. I just don't know what I'll do when she turns 18 and becomes independent. She's 13 and I know it's coming. I've tried to get her to start smoking, I've heard it stunts growth, but she's too damned smart.

She got the new Harry Potter book too and she was in H.E.A.V.E.N. Absolute heaven. She has been reading it slowly...... very slowly. Savoring every page. I haven't read anything past the second book so I'm way behind but oh well, that's life.

I did find a new author I've been reading, Mary Kay Andrews, and she's a riot. Very witty and an excellent source of simple chick lit. I love fluff. I don't want to think when I read. I won't be reading any Stephen King or John Grisham anytime soon........ I guarantee you of that. Jodi Picoult, Mary Kay Andrews, Billie Letts, those are my kind of authors.

I hope you all are enjoying the new "joke of the day" posts. I'll try to keep them up as long as people keep sending them to me.

Little Joe and the mortgage

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Joe told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Poor Baby....

Minutes after a woman gave birth to her baby, her doctor stood solemnly at her bedside and said: "I have something I must tell you about your baby."

"What's wrong?," the alarmed mother asked.

"Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

"What's that?"

"It means your baby has both male and female parts."

"Oh, my goodness, that's wonderful!," the woman exclaimed. "You mean it has a penis and a brain? That doesn't happen often, does it?!"

Thursday, July 19, 2007

High School Musical

Ok, stole this from Mrs. Coach who I'm sure stole it from someone else who got it from someone else. You know how it works. It's a meme, should be pronounced me-me because it's well, all about me but however you say, here it is:

1. Who was your best friend? Hmmmmm, which school do I want to meme about? I went to two. In Baxter, it was Terra, always Terra. I ran with a lot of different crowds, Darren, Brad, Heather, Laura, Pebble, AnnMarie........ But my true friend was always Terra. Her dad was an alcoholic, my dad was (and still is) a sorry son of a bitch mother fucker, so we never spent the night at each other's houses and we really didn't run around with each other much outside of school, but we were buds and we still are to this day. In Quapaw, I didn't really have a "best" friend, just lots of different people. I was with Tish when I met Randy and his crew, I liked Angie a lot but her boyfriend frowned on her having any friends other than him so it was hard to be friends with her.

2. What sports did you play? Um, does quarters count? I rocked at quarters....... yeah, rocked.

3. What kind of car did you drive? My first car was a 1975 Chevy Monte Carlo, it was awesome, you didn't need a key, it idled at 15 to 20 miles per hour and could climb hills. It died and I had a 1982 Chevy Impala (totally hated it), a 1969 Dodge Coronet and then a 1978 Datsun B210. I loved the Datsun. LOVED!!!!!! It was a total piece of shit but it got great gas mileage (I know you remember getting 78 cents of gas and it actually got you somewhere!!) and I could scratch in any gear.

4. It's Friday Night, where were you? At a football game or in Miami draggin' Main. Sometimes both. Always, though, always, I was having a great time and I pretty much always had alcohol.

5. Were you a party animal? Yep, been there, done that.

6. Were you considered a flirt? No, I wasn't. I was the girl you told your girlfriend that you were going out and I was always the "reason" for the break up but in reality it wasn't true. I was the one who had the condoms or would make the rubber run but I just didn't want to be involved with anyone. I had my crushes and they were safe and right there and I just kept my distance......

7. Were you in band, orchestra or choir? At Baxter I wasn't in anything, at Quapaw I was in band. I always wanted to play the sax...... ah, the smooth sound....... thanks for those memories Brad....... but I didn't have the money to play an instrument. At Quapaw though I was in the band, I played cymbals *hence the nickname of Clash* and the bass drum. I was usually the only sober person at parades so I'd be the one carrying the big bass drum around.

8. Were you a nerd? Nope. Not. One. Bit.

9. Did you get expelled or suspended? Yeah, does that matter? Why do you think I went to two different high schools?

10. Can you sing the fight song? Sing it, ummmm I don't recall ever having one at either school!

11. Who was your favorite teacher? In Baxter it was probably Mr. Dillon, he just knew things...... Maybe Mrs. Binns too, she was amazingly narcoleptic (sp?). At Quapaw, I liked our science teacher, something Mrs. B..... Barrett maybe....... damn, my brain hurts. I liked Mrs. Rhodes (shhhh, don't tell anyone, she was a real bitch). Oh and I ADORED Mrs. Chrisman, she freakin' rocked!

12. What was your school mascot? Baxter Lions (red and white) and Quapaw Wildcats (green and white)

13. Did you go to the prom? My freshman or sophmore year I went to Riverton's prom, big freakin' nightmare. My Junior year I went to Miami and Quapaw and then my Senior year I didn't get invited. Looooooong story.

14. If you could go back and do it over again would you? Yeah, I would. In a New York minute.

15. What do you remember most about graduation? Wearing heels and worrying about tripping over the electrical cords. How fucking hot it was. How they refused to move me to the "C" section rather than keep me in the "R" section, dammit, I was married now!

16. Where were you on Senior Skip day? Um, skipping........ I skipped a lot. I actually skipped my entire second semester my senior year so every day was Senior Skip day to me!

17. Did you have a job Senior year? I worked at McD's but I cut my hand (at home, not at work) and I couldn't work for a while so I quit. Then after Christmas I did work because I was out of school and it was expected of me.... damn reality of life.

18. Where did you go most for lunch? The Quapaw Express or Dallas' Dairyette. Yumooooooo!

19. Have you gained weight since then? Gained and lost. I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I was when I left Baxter.

20. What did you do after graduation? Went home and got drunk, I was married and could do whatever I wanted to. Sort of. LOL

21. When did you graduate? May of 1990, I don't remember the date.

22. Who was your Senior prom date? I didn't go. I didn't get invited. I don't wanna talk about it.

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10th reunion? Didn't go, didn't have one.

24. Who was your homeroom teacher? We didn't have homeroom, there were only 40 or so of us at Quapaw, if you weren't there everyone already knew it and why. LOL

25. Who will repost this? YOU! Go ahead, just do it!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Not dead

Damn near wish I were though.

Life's shit.

Wish I could enter the witness protection agency or something, start fresh.

I need a vacation.

I need a break from reality.

I need something.

Panic attacks are happening again, can't make the pong stop.

Work is the only thing keeping me sane.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Friday

It's Friday and I wish I could tell you I'm better but I'm not.

I'm still

*weak
*tired
*sore
*achey
*suffering from a headache
*miserable

and 14 other things that I don't feel like writing right now.

I am at work though, have been since Thursday (yesterday) and will be again Monday as long as the blood remains inside my body.

Bob and MWH are both fine, this must not be contageous 'cause they ain't got it. I wonder if I did get tick bit. How? Where? Will I die? Soon?

Last night, I should have gone to bed immediately after work but I didn't. I took my precious, wonderful teen child to see the new Harry Potter movie. Yeah, stupid. My body ached and I froze during the whole movie. A kid, nay, a hell spawn in the form on a blonde toddler, was tormenting me the entire movie. I caught myself no less than 3 times licking my fingers hoping to touch the little demon brat in hopes that he or she (I have no idea, damn shape shifting children) would become violently ill from this mystery illness I have been subjected to. My plan didn't work, the damn little monster never got close enough........

I will be sleeping all weekend though. Check back Monday to see if I'm dead or not.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

tick born illness, virus or what?

Last Wednesday, the 4th of July, we went to the Woods house for some good old fashioned beer drinkin', weiner roastin', beer drinkin', story tellin, beer drinkin', swimmin', beer drinkin' and fire work shootin'. And, oh, I nearly forgot. Did I mention beer? I personally am not a beer person, but you give me a Parrot Bay drink and blink it'll be in. my. belly. Out of about 50 people there, only two of us had to work the next day, me and the host. He was drunk before sunset, I was sippin' on my libations all night, wanting to keep my composure.

The kids swam and swatted skeeters, the adults discussed floods and insurance companies, the women discussed and devoured the Pampered Chef guacamole dip and the guys shot fireworks with their bare hands. Yeah, we're married to grown men who have no common sense. One of the women there though is a labor and delivery nurse so she could have probably stopped the bleeding if they'd actually done any damage. LOL

I did have a great time, so glad to have good friends.

Thursday though, I could tell something was wrong. My head hurt. I'd only had two and a half drinks and I didn't get drunk so I knew it wasn't a hang over. My stomach also hurt. I blew it off, figured it was just the alcohol and the late night and the guacamole. Friday it was worse. We had plans with the Woods crew again for the post holiday weekend so I took off work early Friday. Nothing was going to stop me from having fun. Or so I thought.

Friday night I tried to put up the tent with Bob, I couldn't do it. I tried to stand erect, I couldn't do that either. I went to bed. I sweated, I froze, I shivered, I swear I died at least twice. The boys shot fireworks just feet from my head and I did nothing. Saturday morning I woke up and took two steps from the bed and a putrid, green slime slid down my leg and pooled around my foot. I froze. It. Came. From. Me.

I won't disgust you with more details here but I did get cleaned up and back to camp. I tried to lay down again but I was offered to sleep in a friends' air conditioned camper so I took them up on it. I slept the whole day away. Bob made me get up around 8pm or so and I did get up but not for long. I went back to our tent shortly to go back to bed. More fireworks, more head ache, more misery and agony for me...... At midnight I woke up again and, let me tell you without going into specific details, I had to go home. We were over an hour from home, I totally didn't want to ruin everyone's weekend, there was no time to break down the tent and all though.

We made it home and I think I showered again and went to bed. I know I was freezing cold and shaking by the time I got into bed. I didn't get out of bed Sunday other than bathroom runs. Saturday I ate about a third of a container of sugar free jello, Sunday I ate some unsalted saltines. Monday I went to the AM clinic and got nowhere. It might be a virus, it might be a tick bite (no tick bites on me though that we can find). My upper abdomen still hurts, my head still hurts and I'm still uber tired. I do have my voice back though.

I'm off work until at least Thursday per the doc, my bed is killing me and my guilt for missing work is immense. Calgon, take me away!!!!!!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Flood

I don't have time to go into major details here but all is good.

The Clarks (that's my lil family here) are all high and dry. No, we're not coke'd up and in clean Pampers but we are out of the path of the flood. Not. By. Much.

I believe it was less than 1 full block away at it's highest point. I refused to go down there to actually look at it.

Other than the flood damage we also have mosquitos from hell, demon mosquitos that mean fucking business. Miss Whineyhiney has 15 bites on her ankles alone and she hasn't been anywhere near the flood. And, if mutant mosquitos weren't enough, the smell is enough to make a mortician gag. Literally. Bring on the dead bodies, I'd much rather smell that..... The mushroom farm ain't got nothin' on the Neosho river when it overflows it's banks.

Here's a pic I took with my KRZR of Okie Burger, which is on G Street and Steve Owens. It's in water but not too bad. I'm not sure if OB was flooded in '86 or not but it was this time.