Depressed... almost

Friday I will celebrate my 6 month surgery anniversary. As of Sunday, October 21st, I had lost 100+ pounds. I'm doing GREAT. I can't complain. I look good (for a fat chick) and feel fabulous, but...... (isn't there always a but?!) anytime I see someone I haven't seen in a few weeks I keep getting asked the same fucking questions.

What is your goal?

Do you have a set weight you want to get down to?

What's your magic number?

I know everyone means well but I didn't do this for any number, I did it to be healthy, to be able to be comfortable in movie theater and/or airplane seats, to be able to live past 35. I'm pleased where I am now but I'm still technically obese according to my BMI. I'm no fool, I know I'm fat, I don't have any grand delusions that I'm not.

When I started this journey in August, 2006, I didn't have a set goal. I just want to be normal, average, healthy. Read the paper, babe, obese is now the normal. Is there really an average anymore? Ok, so scratch the whole normal, average idea but healthy should be attainable.

I ran my BMI through and I started with a 52 or 53. I had to have a 40 to qualify for surgery (check on that!). My BMI now is 37, my "target" (i.e. healthy) BMI is 25. That is 70 more pounds away. Ok, I've lost over 100 pounds and I am tickled shitless over that majorly incredible feat. I could NEVER have done that without the surgery, but an additional 70 pounds just seems like such an unattainable goal! Maybe it's me, maybe it's the "winter is time for comfort food" attitude, maybe I just need to get my mind back into it (did I ever NOT have my mind into my weight though?).

So my questions are these:

Do I stress that I may never be "healthy"?

Do I think I can lose another 70 pounds?

What if I only lose another 35 and never get "healthy"?

So I've sat here today and thought about this long and hard. Am I depressed over it? Nooooooo. Am I going to let it bother me? Noooooooo. Am I going to do anything about it? Nooooooo. I know that my body will plateau at some point. I know that my body will find it's happy place. I know that my body will tell me when it's done losing weight. My body, not my desire, is in charge here.

Weight Loss Surgery is a tool and I'm using it to achieve the best goal for me which may or may not be what the BMI calculator says is "healthy". I can assure you though that a BMI of 37 is definitely healthier than a BMI of 52 or 53.

I am already healthier and if I never make it to "healthy" then that's just fine and dandy with me!!