MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
********************************************************
OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.
Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.
Can't buy it?? Tough!?? Eat your oil! It ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel rump!!!
********************************************************
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
only to appease the mass(es)
Apparently a few folks miss me. I don't know how boring your life is but it's gotta be pretty high on the boredom scale to be asking ME to blog, but hey, who am I to judge? LOL
Alrighty then...... let's see........ what's been going on........
Ah, Vegas.
My mother took me to Las Vegas for my 36th birthday. My birthday was (is) April 25th, which was on a Friday this year. We actually left the Sunday before and returned the Thursday before so that I'd still be home for my family on my actual birthday because, well, that's just how things are. Our flight was scheduled to depart at 3:00 p.m. so of course we left the house shortly after 8:00 a.m. My dear, sweet, gambling addicted mother wanted to make a pit stop at Cherokee Casino in Tulsa before we went to the air port. I, of course, was on vacation so I did not care what was going on, I was just out to have FUN. We both played a little and we both lost what little we played. Mom's a smoker and that particular casino has "no smoking" areas and the lines are a little blurred on where exactly the boundaries are so Mom asked a casino employee if this one particular section was smoking or non-smoking and she was told that it was smoking so she lit one up. Dang near immediately, three gamblers verbally assaulted my mother and treated her like a freaking lepper. We spent a minimal amount of time and money in that casino and headed off for the Tulsa International Airport.
The TIA is pretty big. Lots of gates, lots of restaurants, lots of bathrooms....... However, amongst the lots and lots, there is only ONE smoking area. My poor, poor mother had to go outside to smoke. So sad..... Hmmmmm, I have no pity for her. LOL
We got to the TIA oodles of hours early to guarantee that we'd be seated on the plane together. It worked. We were seated together, the only problem was that we were in the farkin' absolute rear of the plane and I couldn't hear anything. We sat next to a real estate agent who lived in the Las Vegas area. She was in Tulsa to handle her father's business. She talked my ear off. Oh, how I wished I had an MP3 player....... seriously. I just wanted to sit and relax, but she had tons of legal questions. Damn, why did I tell her I worked for an attorney?
So, we land and the views are amazing. You can see the tarmac and the Luxor pyramid and the mountains and palm trees and so much more!! So beautiful, so much to take in. We take our shuttle to the MGM Grand and oh my was it amazing!! The MGM Grand lobby was phenomenal. You walk in the doors and the scent of the most amazing roses just envelopes you. It's a virtual assault on both your eyes and your nose. Truly amazing. Our room was on the 20th floor. Sadly, we didn't have a view of the strip, we could see the monorail train though. Our room was plush. Very plush. We had the most divine beds! They were so soft and cushioney and the pillows were wonderful! Our bathroom was marble and HUGE!!!!!!! I love it.
We didn't spend too much time in the room at first. We had the strip to explore and did we ever! We went to New York, NY, M&M World, Tropicana, Flamingo, Belagio, Treasure Island, Planet Hollywood and more...... so many more! We walked until after midnight. I think we ate dinner at Panda Express, a quickie Chinese restaurant, on the strip. We were just overwhelmed with all the options.
Monday we shopped and gambled and explored and made plans to go to the Hoover Dam. It was an amazing day!! We had so much fun! The casinos have some of the same games as our local haunts do but there are a lot of different ones too. One thing I didn't like was how you had to hit the "bet" button each time before you hit "spin" or whatever. It was rather annoying. Their machines don't pay out as well as these do either. Oh well, I was there to shop, not gamble.
Tuesday we went to the Hoover Dam and took the whole damn tour. hehehe Or was it the whole dam tour? I had a ton of damn dam jokes.....
After the dam tour, I had plans to go to Trader Joe's. I had spoken with the Concierge at MGM Grand and mapped my route. I was told the taxi would cost me around $40 each way. I was prepared. I wanted to go to Trader Joe's. So, we leave the dam and stop at heaven, er, um, Ethel M's Chocolate Factory in Henderson, Nevada. Henderson, Nevada. A good 20 minutes from Las Vegas. I load up on $3 chocolate bars and walk through the factory like I own the place. Oh god the aroma was amazing....... Sadly it was a short stop and we were back on the bus within minutes. Then, about 5 minutes later we were approaching an intersection and I looked up and saw Trader Joe's! The bus driver had just said we didn't have to depart at our hotels, he'd drop us off where ever we wanted as long as it was on his route. I quickly asked him if I could get off HERE, HERE, HERE at Trader Joe's and he slowed down some because there was a traffic light and I hopped off the moving bus. After I walked across the street it hit me. I was only about 15 minutes from the dam. The dam was a good 40 minutes from the hotel. SHIT. I wasn't at the Trader Joe's in Las Vegas, I WAS STILL IN HENDERSON!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!
So I'll spare you all my panic but basically a I had a melt down in the check out line and a very nice Realtor who promised me she wasn't an ax murderer drove me back to Las Vegas. She dropped me off at the Hard Rock Cafe and Casino which was where I wanted to go. Major screw up folks, major. But hey, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Tuesday night mom got sick. Very sick. She didn't eat breakfast that morning and then since we separated I didn't make her eat lunch and even though I told her to she didn't so when she did eat she ate too fast and made herself sick. Sick like puking up bile while we were in the elevator. Then stopping on the 19th floor and puking like nobody's business. Then back in the elevator and puking in the 20th floor elevator lobby area. All across the marble floors....... there was no escaping her vomit volcano. Nasty.........
She spent all of Wednesday in bed. I, of course, went shopping after I made sure she had plenty of water, soup, Pepto Bismol and anything else she wanted. All she wanted though was to sleep and have quiet. She wanted me to go but be available if she needed anything and I was happy to oblige. I toured Ceasar's Palace, the Forum Shops, the Belagio Hotel, the Miracle Mile, the outlet mall, oh, I did sooooooo much and had so much fun ALONE!!!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!!!
Mom got better and Thursday we had a wonderful early breakfast and headed off to the airport for the ride back home. I came home with $50. Not broke but nothing to blog about.
Since I've been home lots has happened but I've been a terrible shit and haven't shared anything. I'll try to keep up better now that I've posted this.
Here are a few of the highlights:
Miss Whineyhiney had her 8th grade promotion, she will be a Freshman in the fall..... oh my god!!!!!
Miss Whineyhiney also had a speaking part in the National Junior Honor Society induction program, I'm so proud of her!!
Bob was transferred from production to a different department, service, at work.
Then they laid off 15 people and he was transferred back to hell, er, production. FOR ONE FARCKING DAY. After one day, they "lent" him back to service.
Then they opened up his old (new) service job for bidding again and he re-bid for it.
Then he spent a miserable weekend worrying that he didn't get the service job again because he was "bidder 3" for the 2 open spots.
BUT ALAS HE DID GET IT! WOO HOO! So now he's happy, today.......
He's had it, lost it, had it, lost it so many times I don't know for sure but as of today he's still there.
I'm done with PTSO.
We bought a pop-up camper and we're ready to camp, as long as the weather holds up and the ATV's run...... nope, we haven't used it yet. LOL
We did get our "stimulus check". Then the Jeep broke down and the there went the stimulus check.
Mother's Day weekend, Bob got sick, went to the ER twice in one day, ended up being admitted and he spent Mother's Day and our 18th wedding anniversary in the hospital.
Also Mother's Day weekend, my best friend had a stroke and I spent the majority of the weekend with her in the ER and hospital.
And, also on the Saturday before Mother's Day, an EF-4 tornado wiped out nearly half of the city of Picher, Oklahoma. Sadly, there were lives lost....... I can't write any more on that topic.
Gas is $3.859 around here. Bob put in $93.xx+ yesterday and I cried........
Again, I know there's more but I'm brain dead. Stay tuned, I'll try to post pics in a few days.
I started this post on May 10th, I'm ending it on June 10th...... so sad.
Alrighty then...... let's see........ what's been going on........
Ah, Vegas.
My mother took me to Las Vegas for my 36th birthday. My birthday was (is) April 25th, which was on a Friday this year. We actually left the Sunday before and returned the Thursday before so that I'd still be home for my family on my actual birthday because, well, that's just how things are. Our flight was scheduled to depart at 3:00 p.m. so of course we left the house shortly after 8:00 a.m. My dear, sweet, gambling addicted mother wanted to make a pit stop at Cherokee Casino in Tulsa before we went to the air port. I, of course, was on vacation so I did not care what was going on, I was just out to have FUN. We both played a little and we both lost what little we played. Mom's a smoker and that particular casino has "no smoking" areas and the lines are a little blurred on where exactly the boundaries are so Mom asked a casino employee if this one particular section was smoking or non-smoking and she was told that it was smoking so she lit one up. Dang near immediately, three gamblers verbally assaulted my mother and treated her like a freaking lepper. We spent a minimal amount of time and money in that casino and headed off for the Tulsa International Airport.
The TIA is pretty big. Lots of gates, lots of restaurants, lots of bathrooms....... However, amongst the lots and lots, there is only ONE smoking area. My poor, poor mother had to go outside to smoke. So sad..... Hmmmmm, I have no pity for her. LOL
We got to the TIA oodles of hours early to guarantee that we'd be seated on the plane together. It worked. We were seated together, the only problem was that we were in the farkin' absolute rear of the plane and I couldn't hear anything. We sat next to a real estate agent who lived in the Las Vegas area. She was in Tulsa to handle her father's business. She talked my ear off. Oh, how I wished I had an MP3 player....... seriously. I just wanted to sit and relax, but she had tons of legal questions. Damn, why did I tell her I worked for an attorney?
So, we land and the views are amazing. You can see the tarmac and the Luxor pyramid and the mountains and palm trees and so much more!! So beautiful, so much to take in. We take our shuttle to the MGM Grand and oh my was it amazing!! The MGM Grand lobby was phenomenal. You walk in the doors and the scent of the most amazing roses just envelopes you. It's a virtual assault on both your eyes and your nose. Truly amazing. Our room was on the 20th floor. Sadly, we didn't have a view of the strip, we could see the monorail train though. Our room was plush. Very plush. We had the most divine beds! They were so soft and cushioney and the pillows were wonderful! Our bathroom was marble and HUGE!!!!!!! I love it.
We didn't spend too much time in the room at first. We had the strip to explore and did we ever! We went to New York, NY, M&M World, Tropicana, Flamingo, Belagio, Treasure Island, Planet Hollywood and more...... so many more! We walked until after midnight. I think we ate dinner at Panda Express, a quickie Chinese restaurant, on the strip. We were just overwhelmed with all the options.
Monday we shopped and gambled and explored and made plans to go to the Hoover Dam. It was an amazing day!! We had so much fun! The casinos have some of the same games as our local haunts do but there are a lot of different ones too. One thing I didn't like was how you had to hit the "bet" button each time before you hit "spin" or whatever. It was rather annoying. Their machines don't pay out as well as these do either. Oh well, I was there to shop, not gamble.
Tuesday we went to the Hoover Dam and took the whole damn tour. hehehe Or was it the whole dam tour? I had a ton of damn dam jokes.....
After the dam tour, I had plans to go to Trader Joe's. I had spoken with the Concierge at MGM Grand and mapped my route. I was told the taxi would cost me around $40 each way. I was prepared. I wanted to go to Trader Joe's. So, we leave the dam and stop at heaven, er, um, Ethel M's Chocolate Factory in Henderson, Nevada. Henderson, Nevada. A good 20 minutes from Las Vegas. I load up on $3 chocolate bars and walk through the factory like I own the place. Oh god the aroma was amazing....... Sadly it was a short stop and we were back on the bus within minutes. Then, about 5 minutes later we were approaching an intersection and I looked up and saw Trader Joe's! The bus driver had just said we didn't have to depart at our hotels, he'd drop us off where ever we wanted as long as it was on his route. I quickly asked him if I could get off HERE, HERE, HERE at Trader Joe's and he slowed down some because there was a traffic light and I hopped off the moving bus. After I walked across the street it hit me. I was only about 15 minutes from the dam. The dam was a good 40 minutes from the hotel. SHIT. I wasn't at the Trader Joe's in Las Vegas, I WAS STILL IN HENDERSON!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!
So I'll spare you all my panic but basically a I had a melt down in the check out line and a very nice Realtor who promised me she wasn't an ax murderer drove me back to Las Vegas. She dropped me off at the Hard Rock Cafe and Casino which was where I wanted to go. Major screw up folks, major. But hey, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Tuesday night mom got sick. Very sick. She didn't eat breakfast that morning and then since we separated I didn't make her eat lunch and even though I told her to she didn't so when she did eat she ate too fast and made herself sick. Sick like puking up bile while we were in the elevator. Then stopping on the 19th floor and puking like nobody's business. Then back in the elevator and puking in the 20th floor elevator lobby area. All across the marble floors....... there was no escaping her vomit volcano. Nasty.........
She spent all of Wednesday in bed. I, of course, went shopping after I made sure she had plenty of water, soup, Pepto Bismol and anything else she wanted. All she wanted though was to sleep and have quiet. She wanted me to go but be available if she needed anything and I was happy to oblige. I toured Ceasar's Palace, the Forum Shops, the Belagio Hotel, the Miracle Mile, the outlet mall, oh, I did sooooooo much and had so much fun ALONE!!!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!!!
Mom got better and Thursday we had a wonderful early breakfast and headed off to the airport for the ride back home. I came home with $50. Not broke but nothing to blog about.
Since I've been home lots has happened but I've been a terrible shit and haven't shared anything. I'll try to keep up better now that I've posted this.
Here are a few of the highlights:
Miss Whineyhiney had her 8th grade promotion, she will be a Freshman in the fall..... oh my god!!!!!
Miss Whineyhiney also had a speaking part in the National Junior Honor Society induction program, I'm so proud of her!!
Bob was transferred from production to a different department, service, at work.
Then they laid off 15 people and he was transferred back to hell, er, production. FOR ONE FARCKING DAY. After one day, they "lent" him back to service.
Then they opened up his old (new) service job for bidding again and he re-bid for it.
Then he spent a miserable weekend worrying that he didn't get the service job again because he was "bidder 3" for the 2 open spots.
BUT ALAS HE DID GET IT! WOO HOO! So now he's happy, today.......
He's had it, lost it, had it, lost it so many times I don't know for sure but as of today he's still there.
I'm done with PTSO.
We bought a pop-up camper and we're ready to camp, as long as the weather holds up and the ATV's run...... nope, we haven't used it yet. LOL
We did get our "stimulus check". Then the Jeep broke down and the there went the stimulus check.
Mother's Day weekend, Bob got sick, went to the ER twice in one day, ended up being admitted and he spent Mother's Day and our 18th wedding anniversary in the hospital.
Also Mother's Day weekend, my best friend had a stroke and I spent the majority of the weekend with her in the ER and hospital.
And, also on the Saturday before Mother's Day, an EF-4 tornado wiped out nearly half of the city of Picher, Oklahoma. Sadly, there were lives lost....... I can't write any more on that topic.
Gas is $3.859 around here. Bob put in $93.xx+ yesterday and I cried........
Again, I know there's more but I'm brain dead. Stay tuned, I'll try to post pics in a few days.
I started this post on May 10th, I'm ending it on June 10th...... so sad.
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